By now you've probably heard what is arguably the greatest news of 2014 (AFTER
Miley Cyrus: MTV Unplugged, of course *hair flip*)—Tyra Banks' confirmation of a
Life-Size sequel! The 2000 made-for-TV movie tells the story of a girl named Casey (played by Lindsay Lohan) bringing her Eve doll (played by Tyra, obvi) to life and learning valuable lessons about humanity and makeovers.
We're excited about the reboot for a million reasons (e.g. getting a
continuation of the greatest plotline ever, experiencing more of Tyra's
award-worthy acting, etc.), but we're the MOST pumped about seeing if
the sequel's costumes will be anywhere near the caliber of the
original's.
Life-Size brought us some truly stunning outfits
that encapsulate the heartbeat of early-aughts style with a little (OK, a
LOT) of Barbie flair. It's impossible to pick which of Tyra's fashion
moments are the most memorable, so instead, we've itemized every single
one of her outfits from the movie and ranked them from meh to BEST:
A still of Tyra Banks in "Life-Size."
Photo: ABC/Walt Disney Television
Yea yea yea, Eve can rock a hot pink ball gown with a floral bustle
better than anyone else, but, as you'll see, she can do a lot better.
Plus, the whole ~pretty pink princess~ thing is a little played out.
Zzzzzz.
14. CONFUSING '70S VIBES
A still of Tyra Banks in "Life-Size."
Photo: ABC/Walt Disney Television
It's not
offensive from the waist up, and we wouldn't go so far as to say we
hate those plastic yellow hoops, but something about the styling here is just...off. Also, white bell-bottoms do favors for NO ONE.
13. B.B. HOMEMAKER
A still of Tyra Banks in "Life-Size."
Photo: ABC/Walt Disney Television
Eve has an outfit for every occasion. Sure, she has no idea how to
bake a cake, but she DOES have a sunshine-yellow dress with scalloped
edges and blue gingham apron, so at least she
looks like she
knows what she's doing. Unfortunately, this entire outfit gets destroyed
by a fire extinguisher, but it was pretty cute while it lasted.
12. A LADY WHO LUNCHES
A still of Tyra Banks in "Life-Size."
Photo: ABC/Walt Disney Television
Witness the classy outfit Eve wears when she tastes butter for the
first time (one of the film's many highlights). That elaborate hat is a
real scene-stealer. It's making us want to spend a day at the races
right this second. Unfortunately, since we never see Eve stand up in
this scene, we can only
hope that the fairly standard dress has
layers of hot pink crinoline at the bottom or is supplemented with some
weird pair of platform shoes. Thus, its lower rank.
11. CHINOISERIE AND FEATHERS
A still of Tyra Banks in "Life-Size."
Photo: ABC/Walt Disney Television
This red-fuchsia satin chinoiserie suit, while impressive in texture
and pattern, is a little too matronly for a doll come to life, but we're
awarding points for unexpectedness. Also, we fully support any hat with
feathers that double as weapons (as well as a store that offers riding
crops as accessories).
10. ROBE AND ROLLERS
A still of Tyra Banks in "Life-Size."
Photo: ABC/Walt Disney Television
She may just be getting ready for a party, but Eve still shines
bright AND shines far in huge hair rollers and a fuzzy pink bathrobe
with terry-cloth floral appliqués. You never know when someone is going
to barge into your room to check your foot for a certification code, so
it's important to always look one's best.
9. BLOSSOM LITE
A still of Tyra Banks in "Life-Size."
Photo: ABC/Walt Disney Television
This dress is one of the few items of clothing that is even remotely believable in the real world. Sure, we don't watch
Life-Size to experience the real world, but this is a snapshot of '90s
Blossom realness if we've ever seen one.
8. I BELIEVE I CAN FLY
A still of Tyra Banks in "Life-Size."
Photo: ABC/Walt Disney Television
On the complete flip side, this ensemble is exactly what you expect from a living doll (well, not
that kind of
living doll).
It's the definitive guide to accessorizing, meaning the more butterfly
clips the better. They're in her hair, on her color-blocked gloves, and
scattered all over the gown's gathered tulle mermaid skirt. How Eve
didn't walk out of the store with 100 of these dresses is probably the
greatest mystery of
Life-Size.
A still of Tyra Banks in "Life-Size."
Photo: ABC/Walt Disney Television
7. TV TEDDY
A still of Tyra Banks in "Life-Size."
Photo: ABC/Walt Disney Television
What? You DON'T wear this when you watch TV at night? How sad for
you. This bright yellow, marabou feather-trimmed negligee and matching
hair ribbon have us rethinking our bedtime wardrobes completely. See you
later, old college tees and threadbare sweatpants! We're entering a new
era of sexy Big Bird teddies, and it's all Eve's
fault inspiration.
6. EVE 2.0
A still of Tyra Banks in "Life-Size."
Photo: ABC/Walt Disney Television
I mean, this is just quintessential early aughts. I know for a fact
each and every one of you circled an outfit exactly like this (or one
close to it) in at least one dELiA*s catalog in your life. (That is,
unless you're a weird post-internet cyborg baby who doesn't even know
what dial-up sounds like. In which case, GET OFF MY LAWN.) The white
crop top and bright pink cardigan are enough, but then, there's the
denim pedal pushers and that tiny white leather backpack. Eve debuts a
new hairstyle with this outfit: straight, shoulder-length, and with
blunt bangs. AND this look becomes even more memorable when it's remade
for every new Eve doll.
A still of Tyra Banks in "Life-Size."
Photo: ABC/Walt Disney Television
5. PINK, PEARLS, AND PROBABLY CHANEL
A still of Tyra Banks in "Life-Size."
Photo: ABC/Walt Disney Television
One of
Life-Size's greatest (read: most confusing) legacies
is teaching women everywhere how to be taken seriously in the workplace.
For example, Eve arrives at her first day of work wearing a rosy-pink
boucle suit with pearl accents everywhere. It's pretty flashy wares for a
law firm, but if Casey's dad worked at a magazine, Eve would actually
fit right in. This is either
Chanel or someone's excellent pass at duplicating
Uncle Karl and
Madame Coco's iconic handiwork, and either way, it's impressive. Another
Life-Size
professional lesson: If you end up blowing it completely, Eve ALSO
teaches us that you can give your boss a makeover to save yourself from
being fired!
4. EVE-NING WEAR
A still of Tyra Banks in "Life-Size."
Photo: ABC/Walt Disney Television
It's also important to know how to dress at an office party. Eve
shows up in a satin red dress with black elbow-length gloves, and
continues to wow the crowd with a bedazzled half-up, half-down 'do and
cascading diamond earrings (not to mention, an impromptu song-and-dance
number).
3. RAZZLE DAZZLE RAINCOAT
A still of Tyra Banks in "Life-Size."
Photo: ABC/Walt Disney Television
This is probably Eve's most Barbie-esque outfit of them all, and we
are OB. SESSED. A lime green "razzle dazzle" raincoat with matching
umbrella and head scarf is the best way to brighten up any day.
2. LET'S GO RANGERS
A still of Tyra Banks in "Life-Size."
Photo: ABC/Walt Disney Television
Everyone needs to go makeup-free and casual every once in a while,
even Eve. Her night-in outfit consists of an oversized New York Rangers
jersey and...not much else. A few questions, though: Is this an outfit
Eve comes with or did she buy it at the mall? (Asking because we did not
see any scenes ducking into Modell's.) OR did she borrow it? If
borrowing, did she nab it from Casey (unlikely, because that ish is
definitely too big for a seventh grader) or from Casey's dad (*GASP*
SCANDAL)? Whatever got her in the hockey jersey, we're fans.
1. ORIGINAL ORANGE
A still of Tyra Banks in "Life-Size."
Photo: ABC/Walt Disney Television
They just don't make 'em like this anymore: matching velvet damask
separates, a fuzzy semi-sheer cardigan, and the highly underrated
orange-and-pink combo. This is the first outfit we ever see Eve wearing,
and it packs a major punch. All the points for nostalgia.
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