Friday, 24 January 2014

A Complete Ranking Of Tyra Banks' 15 'Life-Size' Looks

Tyra Banks
By now you've probably heard what is arguably the greatest news of 2014 (AFTER Miley Cyrus: MTV Unplugged, of course *hair flip*)—Tyra Banks' confirmation of a Life-Size sequel! The 2000 made-for-TV movie tells the story of a girl named Casey (played by Lindsay Lohan) bringing her Eve doll (played by Tyra, obvi) to life and learning valuable lessons about humanity and makeovers.

We're excited about the reboot for a million reasons (e.g. getting a continuation of the greatest plotline ever, experiencing more of Tyra's award-worthy acting, etc.), but we're the MOST pumped about seeing if the sequel's costumes will be anywhere near the caliber of the original's. Life-Size brought us some truly stunning outfits that encapsulate the heartbeat of early-aughts style with a little (OK, a LOT) of Barbie flair. It's impossible to pick which of Tyra's fashion moments are the most memorable, so instead, we've itemized every single one of her outfits from the movie and ranked them from meh to BEST:

A still of Tyra Banks in "Life-Size."
Photo: ABC/Walt Disney Television
Yea yea yea, Eve can rock a hot pink ball gown with a floral bustle better than anyone else, but, as you'll see, she can do a lot better. Plus, the whole ~pretty pink princess~ thing is a little played out. Zzzzzz.
14. CONFUSING '70S VIBES
Tyra Banks
A still of Tyra Banks in "Life-Size."
Photo: ABC/Walt Disney Television
It's not offensive from the waist up, and we wouldn't go so far as to say we hate those plastic yellow hoops, but something about the styling here is just...off. Also, white bell-bottoms do favors for NO ONE.
13. B.B. HOMEMAKER
Tyra Banks
A still of Tyra Banks in "Life-Size."
Photo: ABC/Walt Disney Television
Eve has an outfit for every occasion. Sure, she has no idea how to bake a cake, but she DOES have a sunshine-yellow dress with scalloped edges and blue gingham apron, so at least she looks like she knows what she's doing. Unfortunately, this entire outfit gets destroyed by a fire extinguisher, but it was pretty cute while it lasted.
12. A LADY WHO LUNCHES
Tyra Banks
A still of Tyra Banks in "Life-Size."
Photo: ABC/Walt Disney Television
Witness the classy outfit Eve wears when she tastes butter for the first time (one of the film's many highlights). That elaborate hat is a real scene-stealer. It's making us want to spend a day at the races right this second. Unfortunately, since we never see Eve stand up in this scene, we can only hope that the fairly standard dress has layers of hot pink crinoline at the bottom or is supplemented with some weird pair of platform shoes. Thus, its lower rank.
Tyra Banks
A still of Tyra Banks in "Life-Size."
Photo: ABC/Walt Disney Television/GIF: ethereal-rose.tumblr.com
11. CHINOISERIE AND FEATHERS
Tyra Banks
A still of Tyra Banks in "Life-Size."
Photo: ABC/Walt Disney Television
This red-fuchsia satin chinoiserie suit, while impressive in texture and pattern, is a little too matronly for a doll come to life, but we're awarding points for unexpectedness. Also, we fully support any hat with feathers that double as weapons (as well as a store that offers riding crops as accessories).
10. ROBE AND ROLLERS
Tyra Banks
A still of Tyra Banks in "Life-Size."
Photo: ABC/Walt Disney Television
She may just be getting ready for a party, but Eve still shines bright AND shines far in huge hair rollers and a fuzzy pink bathrobe with terry-cloth floral appliqués. You never know when someone is going to barge into your room to check your foot for a certification code, so it's important to always look one's best.
9. BLOSSOM LITE
Tyra Banks
A still of Tyra Banks in "Life-Size."
Photo: ABC/Walt Disney Television
This dress is one of the few items of clothing that is even remotely believable in the real world. Sure, we don't watch Life-Size to experience the real world, but this is a snapshot of '90s Blossom realness if we've ever seen one.
8. I BELIEVE I CAN FLY
Tyra Banks
A still of Tyra Banks in "Life-Size."
Photo: ABC/Walt Disney Television
On the complete flip side, this ensemble is exactly what you expect from a living doll (well, not that kind of living doll). It's the definitive guide to accessorizing, meaning the more butterfly clips the better. They're in her hair, on her color-blocked gloves, and scattered all over the gown's gathered tulle mermaid skirt. How Eve didn't walk out of the store with 100 of these dresses is probably the greatest mystery of Life-Size.
Tyra Banks
A still of Tyra Banks in "Life-Size."
Photo: ABC/Walt Disney Television
7. TV TEDDY
Tyra Banks
A still of Tyra Banks in "Life-Size."
Photo: ABC/Walt Disney Television
What? You DON'T wear this when you watch TV at night? How sad for you. This bright yellow, marabou feather-trimmed negligee and matching hair ribbon have us rethinking our bedtime wardrobes completely. See you later, old college tees and threadbare sweatpants! We're entering a new era of sexy Big Bird teddies, and it's all Eve's fault inspiration.
Tyra Banks
Tyra Banks in "Life-Size."
Photo: ABC/Walt Disney Television/GIF: lovesmolly.tumblr.com
6. EVE 2.0
Tyra Banks
A still of Tyra Banks in "Life-Size."
Photo: ABC/Walt Disney Television
I mean, this is just quintessential early aughts. I know for a fact each and every one of you circled an outfit exactly like this (or one close to it) in at least one dELiA*s catalog in your life. (That is, unless you're a weird post-internet cyborg baby who doesn't even know what dial-up sounds like. In which case, GET OFF MY LAWN.) The white crop top and bright pink cardigan are enough, but then, there's the denim pedal pushers and that tiny white leather backpack. Eve debuts a new hairstyle with this outfit: straight, shoulder-length, and with blunt bangs. AND this look becomes even more memorable when it's remade for every new Eve doll.
Tyra Banks
A still of Tyra Banks in "Life-Size."
Photo: ABC/Walt Disney Television
5. PINK, PEARLS, AND PROBABLY CHANEL
Tyra Banks
A still of Tyra Banks in "Life-Size."
Photo: ABC/Walt Disney Television
One of Life-Size's greatest (read: most confusing) legacies is teaching women everywhere how to be taken seriously in the workplace. For example, Eve arrives at her first day of work wearing a rosy-pink boucle suit with pearl accents everywhere. It's pretty flashy wares for a law firm, but if Casey's dad worked at a magazine, Eve would actually fit right in. This is either Chanel or someone's excellent pass at duplicating Uncle Karl and Madame Coco's iconic handiwork, and either way, it's impressive. Another Life-Size professional lesson: If you end up blowing it completely, Eve ALSO teaches us that you can give your boss a makeover to save yourself from being fired!
Tyra Banks
Tyra Banks in "Life-Size."
Photo: ABC/Walt Disney Television/GIF: theprincessblog.tumblr.com
4. EVE-NING WEAR
Tyra Banks
A still of Tyra Banks in "Life-Size."
Photo: ABC/Walt Disney Television
It's also important to know how to dress at an office party. Eve shows up in a satin red dress with black elbow-length gloves, and continues to wow the crowd with a bedazzled half-up, half-down 'do and cascading diamond earrings (not to mention, an impromptu song-and-dance number).
3. RAZZLE DAZZLE RAINCOAT
Tyra Banks
A still of Tyra Banks in "Life-Size."
Photo: ABC/Walt Disney Television
This is probably Eve's most Barbie-esque outfit of them all, and we are OB. SESSED. A lime green "razzle dazzle" raincoat with matching umbrella and head scarf is the best way to brighten up any day.
2. LET'S GO RANGERS
Tyra Banks
A still of Tyra Banks in "Life-Size."
Photo: ABC/Walt Disney Television
Everyone needs to go makeup-free and casual every once in a while, even Eve. Her night-in outfit consists of an oversized New York Rangers jersey and...not much else. A few questions, though: Is this an outfit Eve comes with or did she buy it at the mall? (Asking because we did not see any scenes ducking into Modell's.) OR did she borrow it? If borrowing, did she nab it from Casey (unlikely, because that ish is definitely too big for a seventh grader) or from Casey's dad (*GASP* SCANDAL)? Whatever got her in the hockey jersey, we're fans.
1. ORIGINAL ORANGE
Tyra Banks
A still of Tyra Banks in "Life-Size."
Photo: ABC/Walt Disney Television
They just don't make 'em like this anymore: matching velvet damask separates, a fuzzy semi-sheer cardigan, and the highly underrated orange-and-pink combo. This is the first outfit we ever see Eve wearing, and it packs a major punch. All the points for nostalgia.
Tyra Banks


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